baka and aho
by afairysoared
Summary: Just chapters about Ahomine and Bakagami fighting and the generation of miracles getting caught up in their fights.
1. You don't want to play a game with me?

"TERIYAKI BURGER!"

"CHEESE BURGER!"

"OH PLEASE, BAKAGAMI. I BET YOU NEVER EVEN HAD A TERIYAKI BURGER IN YOU LIFE!'

"OH YEAH, I BET NEVER HAD A CHEESEBURGER IN YOUR LIFE!"

"Kagami-kun, Aomine-kun, please stop shouting. You are attracting glares."

"BUT TETSU, HE THINKS TERIYAKI BURGERS ARE BAD!"

"COME ON, KUROKO, YOU'VE HAD A TERIYAKI BURGER BEFORE, TELL HIM ITS BAD."

"Actually Kagami-kun, Teriyaki burger is quite good."

"AHAHAHAAA I TOLD YOU!"

"But I prefer my vanilla milk shake."

"Oi, Bakagami. Lets do this. I eat a chesseburger while you eat a Teriyaki."

"Wow. The first mildly intelligent thing you have ever said."

"SHUTTIT! SO DEAL OR NO DEAL?!"

"Hm... deal."

"... Tetsu, i wasn't talking to you."

"Ah. So you don't want to play this game with me?"

"No! Its not even a game!"

"I see. The both of you don't like me anymore."

"What? It was Ahomine, not me."

"Oh. I see. Then, Kagami-kun. Would you like to play this game with me? I'll give you a vanilla milk shake while I get a cheeseeburger."

"Um... You see... I already had a milk shake before... and... and..." Kagami trailed off as Kuroko's face darkened.

"So you don't want to play this game either."

"Um... oi, Bakagami. I have to go. Um... Satsuki is waiting for me... at... um... at practice! Yeah, she's waiting for me at practice! See ya, you too... um... Tetsu."

With that, Ahomine ran out of Maji burger with customers staring at him.

"Ah. Aomine-kun is going to practice for once. I shall forgive him."

"Eh? What about me? I go to practice all the time too!"

"You didn't want to play a game with me."

"But... um..."

"You are my light but you didn't want to play a game with me."

"Um... Kuroko... this was never a game, you see..."

"Oh? Then you two lied to me. Thats even worse than not playing with me."

"Wha? But Kuroko, we never told you... that... this... was... a... game..." Kagami trailed off as Kuroko looked at him as the chopsticks he was holding snapped in half.

"You will be punished..."

"Eh? Punished? But why, I didn't do anyth-"

"By Akashi."

"..."

"Yes, Kagami, the guy who almost killed you with a pair of scissors."

"NOOOOOO! KUROKO PLEASEE! HE IS GOING TO KILL MEEEE! WHAT ABOUT AHOMINE?! HE LIED TO YOU TOO!"

"He is forgiven because he is going to practice."

"NOOOOO PLEASE!"

Kagami was never seen again after that.


	2. Takao, you imbecile

"IT COUNTED!'

"NO IT DIDN'T!"

"PLEASE, AHOMINE, LIKE YOU CAN SEE ANYTHING WITH THOSE SQUINTY EYES!"

"AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE WEIRD ASS EYEBROWS!"

"AT LEAST I'M NOT A GANGURO!"

-Somewhere in the park-

"Shin-channnnn I'm tired!'

"Keep pedaling Takao, you imbecile."

"But, Shin-chan why do I have to go so fast?"

"Quit complaining! It's because I have bad luck today!"

"But... we're going up a hill!'

"I don't see why thats a problem, now shut your trap and keep cycling!"

They cycled quietly. Takao too tired to whine and Midorima drinking tea in the cart.

"Hey... Shin-chan? Do you hear something?"

"Hmmmm"

They listened closely...

"YOU LOOK LIKE AN INDIAN!"

"AT LEAST INDIANS DON'T HAVE SPLIT EYEBROWS!"

Midorima's face darkened, as if he has seen a ghost.

"Oh dear god, Takao, turn around."

"But why?"

"Just turn!"

"Eh? Isn't that the ace from Tuou and Seirin? Lets go say hi!"

"NO. TAKAO YOU RETARD. GET US OUT OF HERE."

"Wowwww. Shin-chan just said some rude words."

"DESPERATE TIMES CALL FOR DESPERATE MEASURES. NOW TURN AROUND."

"Ah. Look, they saw us. Don't be rude, lets say hiiii."

"TAKAO! I HATE YOU. LET THE POWER OF THE STARS FALL UPON YOU."

"..."

"..."

"Nothings happening, Shin-chan."

-Back at the courts-

"LOOK! ITS SPECTACLE FREAK AND HAWK MAN! LETS ASK THEM."

"SURE BAKAGAMI."

"WHY ARE WE STILL SHOUTING?!"

"I DONT KNOW AND I DONT CARE!"

They approached Midorima strangling a laughing Takao.

"HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS, YOU-"

"Oi. we need your help."

Midorima looked at Aomine and felt his face drain of color.

"GET AWAY FROM ME! YOU ARE ALL BAD LUCK!"

"Geez. Don't need to be pushy. We just want you to see if this point counted or not."

Takao pulled out of Midorima's grasp.

"I'll help you since Shin-chan here is such a tsundere!"

"TAKAO. YOU HAVE 5 SECONDS TO GET BACK HERE AND PEDAL OR ELSE... 5"

Kagami and Aomine started fighting whether or not Kise's hair was really natural.

"4"

"ITS OBVIOUS HE DYED IT. HES A MODEL FOR GODS SAKE!"

"3"

"I KNEW HIM SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL, HIS HAIR IS NATURAL!"

"2"

"Guys. I'm gonna run now before Midorima *snicker* uses the power of the stars on me again."

"1"

MIdorima lunged at all 3 of them.

"GYAHHHH! BAKAGAMI, DON'T TOUCH THERE!"

"ITS NOT LIKE I WANT TO! EWWWWW!"

"TAKAO COME HERE, YOU LITTLE WORM!"

"HELP MEEEE!"

"GET OFF OF ME YOU GUYS!"

"WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE IM TRYING TO DO, BAKAGAMI?! ITS NOT LIKE I WANT TO LAY ON YOU!"

"TAKAO!"

"SHIN-CHAN IS GOING TO THROW HIS CERAMIC OCTOPUS AT ME! HELP!"

"OI! AHOMINE YOU FU-"

"AHAHAHAAAAA WHO THREW THE OCTOPUS AT HIS HEAD?! DAMN, THAT WAS SOME NASTY SHI- GAHHHHHHH MIDORIMA GET OFF ME!"

"TAKAO. I AM HOLDING THIS GANGURO AS A HOSTAGE. IF YOU DO NOT COME TO ME, I WILL KILL HIM."

"OI. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU TSUNDERE?!"

"FINEEEEEE. I'LL COME WITH YOU! BUT LEAVE THE GANGURO ALONE!"

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU GUYS CALL ME?! AOMINE KICK!"

"UHHHH... GUYS? WHATS HAPPENI-"

"AH SHIT. SORRY BAKAGAMI! I WAS AIMING FOR MIDO- OI. ARE YOU OKAY?"

"TAKAOOOOOOO GET OVER HERE!"

"GUYS! I KILLED BAKAGAMI! WHAT DO I DO?! I DON'T WANNA GO TO THE POLICE!"

"IM GONNA DIEEEEE!"

The teo of them were all writhing on the ground, tangled with each other while poor Kagami lay on the floor as Aomine cried about not wanting to go to prison. Unknown to them, Kise was hiding behind a tree and taking a video of them.

"Hehehehe. Wait till I show Kurokochi!"


	3. My fans are gonna think I'm weird!

"Oi Kise. Gimme the phone."

"N-no."

"Just give him the phone dammit."

"Bu-but..."

"If you don't give it, I will personally kill you and make sure no one ever finds your body."

"Oi Ahomine. Thats going way too far."

"Shuttit. I know what you're doing. Trying to look like the good guy so that everyone will love you. But no fucking way am I falling for that!"

"WHAT THE HELL, AHO! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME THAT WELL! WE JUST PLAY BASKETBALL TOGETHER!"

"OI! DON'T SHOUT AT ME! YOU SOUND JUST LIKE SATSUKI. JUST NAGGING AND NAGGING AND NAGGING NON STOP! SHUT YER FEMININE FACE!"

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY?!"

"Um... guys?"

"SHUTTIT KISE!"

Kise slowly backed away and ran down the street to Kuroko's house.

"OH YEAH! WE HAVEN'T FOUND OUT YET."

"FOUND OUT ABOUT WHAT, IDIOT?"

"KISE'S HAIR THINGY DUMBASS."

"Oh yeah."

"What? So now you can talk normally without screaming your fucking face off, bakagami?"

"WHAT THE HELL?! YOU CAN GO DIE!"

"OI KISE! ON A COMPLETELY UNRELATED TOPIC, IS YOUR HAIR COLOR NATUR- WHAT THE HELL? WHERE DID HE GO?!"

"AH! HE ESCAPED! WHAT IF KUROKO SEES US FIGHTING WITH THE GLASSES FREAK ON THE VIDEO?! HE WON'T ACCEPT ME AS HIS LIGHT!"

"SHIT! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! NAGGING ME LIKE AN OLD WOMAN!"

"WHA- MY FAULT?! MY FAULT?! IT WAS YOUR FAULT!"

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY?! YOU WANNA HAVE A GO? RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW?! OR ARE YOU TOO SCARED, BAKAGAMI?!"

"OH ITS ON, AHOMINE! JUST DON'T GO CRYING TO MOMOI WHEN I BEAT YOU UP!"

"OH PLEASE, YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T BEAT ME, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU GOT KNOCKED OUT BY JUST ONE OF MY AOMINE KICKS!"

"AT LEAST I DIDN'T CRY LIKE A LITTLE BABY ABOUT GOING TO JAIL FOR MURDER!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

"OH LOOK. DUMB AND DEAF. WHAT A SURPRISE."

"OHHHH... YOU ARE SO GOING TO GET IT NOW..."

"STOP!"

"What the hell, Kise."

"I cannot stand to see my two dear friends, Aominechi and Kagamichi make a fool out of themselves in public! Especially with my fans around! What do you think they will think when they see me around you two imbeci-"

"I THOUGHT YOU LEFT! NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE!"

"AOMINECHI! YOU RUINED MY PERFECT JAW! I JUST WANTED TO SEE HOW YOU TWO WERE DOING!"

"HEY HEY HEY! I KNOW THAT AOMINE IS AN IMBECILE, BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?! I AM PERFECTLY NORMAL AND WELL BEHAVED!"

"Omg. isn't that Kise Ryouta? Why is he rolling on the floor with other guys? In public. Ew. That is just. Like. So gross. Ugh I can't believe that I ever thought he was like, totally hot."

"NOOOOO! AOMINECHI, KAGAMICHI! LOOK WHAT YOU DID! NOW MY FANS THINK I'M AN IMBECILE TOO!"

"I. SAID. NOT. TO. CALL. ME. THAT..."

"OHOHOHOHOO! LOOK AT THAT! LITTLE BAKAGAMI IS GETTING ANG-"

"AHHHH! KAGAMICHIII! YOU KNOCKED HIM OUT!"

"HE ASKED FOR IT!"

"NO! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! WHO IS GOING TO CARRY HIM TO HIS HOUSE?! HE'S TOO HEAVY!"

"..."

"..."

"Kise. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Huh? I was just waiting for your answer. I wasn't thinking about anything!"

*sigh*

-Takao-

"Hello! You have just reached the marvelous Takao! Eh? Kagami? Hi hi! Did your head injury heal yet? Oh that's good. So what can I do for you? You want what? My rickshaw? Why? AHAHAHAHAHA! So you knocked him out?! AHAHAHAHHA! Serves him right indeed. Ok! Comi-"

"Takao? Who are you talking to?"

"Ah Shin-chan! Its Kagami! Oh, Kagami, I'm with Shin-chan in the locker room. Yup, gonna be there in a second."

"No. I forbid you."

"K bye. What was that Shin-chan?"

"I forbId you to go anywhere near them. Also, I need the rickshaw."

"BUt shin-channnnn. The dark one from Tuou is out cold. We need to help them."

"Oh? He fainted? That's good. Now killing him will be much easier."

"Huh? What was that?"

"Nothing. I changed my mind. Takao. Bring the rickshaw but bring him here."

"Why? Shouldn't I bring him to his house?"

"No need. It is possible that he has a light concussion. I will check on him."

"Awwww! Shin-chan really does care about your ex-teammates."

"Of course. Now get going."

"Yessir!"

The door slammed shut as Takao left to get the unconscious Aomine.

Midorima's glasses gleamed evilly.

"Now... for my revenge..."

AHAHAHAHAA SORRY IF IT WAS TOO RUSHED! I JUST HAVENT UPDATED IN A REALLY LONG TIME AND I WAS DESPERATE TO UPLOAD A NEW CHAPTER! I HOPE IT WAS OK! I JUST COULDNT HELP BUT ADD IN MIDORIMA AND TAKAO! HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT! MY FINAL EXAMS ARE OVER, SO I SHOULD BE UPDATING MORE! THANKS FOR READING! PLEASE REVIEW!

-afairysoared


	4. Midorima's short lived revenge

"THANK YOU TAKAOCCHI! YOU'RE SUCH A LIFE SAVER!"

"No Problem. Now I just need to cycle over to Shin-chan with ganguro here"

"Hah?! Why are you bringing him to the glasses freak's house?"

"Shin-chan was really worried about his old team mate so he said he's gonna check if he has a concussion. He's really smart you know. He wants to be a doctor when he grows up. I think he'll be great. Did I tell you he's really smar-"

"Wait Takao-chii. Did you just say Midorimacchi wanted to check on Aominechhi?"

"...yes."

"ok. Excuse us, but I need to talk to Kagamicchi for a while."

"OI KISE. WHERE ARE WE GOING?!"

"kagamicchi. Don't you think it's weird that Midorimacchi is gonna check up on Aominecchi?"

"hah. why? Didn't you hear Takao? He's just worried."

"kagamicchi are you actually stupid."

"HAH?! SAY THAT AGAIN KISE AND I'LL KILL YOU. I KNOCKED AHO OUT I CAN KNOCK YOU OUT TOO."

"Listen to me bakagamicchi. Midorima. Is. Worried. About. Aominecchi."

"..."

"..."

"...fuck."

"right?"

"but thats impossible."

"i know."

"He hates ahomine."

"He doesn't hate him. He dislikes him strongly to the point where they don't get along."

"Takao said he was going to deliver aho's body to Midorima."

"yes."

"because he's worri-"

"kagamicchi can we make this quick because I have a photo shoot in like 20 minutes."

"SCREW YOU KISE!"

"eh. Where's Takaocchi?"

"..."

"..."

"...did... he leave?"

"..."

"..."

"FUCK."

"SHIT."

"CALL KUROKO."

"NO WE CAN'T KUROKOCCHI IS STILL MAD AT THE BOTH OF YOU FOR THE VANILLA SHAKE INCIDENT."

"WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?! I HATE THAT AHO BUT HE CAN'T DIE!"

"KEEP CALM. WE'LL CALL AKASHICCHI."

-midorima-

"Good job Takao."

"No problemo shin-chan."

"does the other idiot know where u took him?"

"Well of course. I told him I was going to bring him to you."

"Hmmmmm... hes too stupid to figure it out..."

"what was that Shin-chan?"

"Nothing. Was anyone else there?"

"Yeaaaaa. the model from Kaijou was also there. You know the one that always gets bullied by his senpai."

"... lock the doors."

"hah?"

"QUICKLY TAKAO LOCK THE DOORS."

"o-ok!"

"Too late Shintarou."


	5. Akita Adventures

"Dude. Seriously. Man up. It can't possibly be that bad."

Aomine shuddered and let his head fall to the ground, his hair shadowing his eyes. "You don't know the fear of being waken up to the sounds of scissors snapping..."

"He did save you."

"But not in the best way it could have played out."

"It's Akashi. What do you think?"

Aomine said nothing and looked to the ground.

Kagami narrowed his eyes. He was being uncharacteristically quiet.

"I want to go home."

"Wait. Ao-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE. I SAID I WANT TO GO HOME."

Kagami had enough.

"STOP BITCHING LIKE A BITCH AND LOOK AROUND YOU. DO YOU RECOGNISE WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW?"

"What the fuck. Bitching like a bitch? Seriously, Bakagami?"

"SHUT UP AND LOOK AROUND YOU. WHERE ARE WE?"

"Hm... I don't know but I know I want to go home."

Kagami felt his blood boil. Who cares if this guy just had a near death experience? He was gonna make him regret this.

"Look. Around. You. If you don't know where we are, how are you gonna get home, shitwad?"

"WHO YOU CALLING SHITWAD, DICKWEED?!"

"HAH?! DO YOU WANNA GO?"

"GO WHERE?"

"Ah. Mine-chin, Kaga-chin. What are you guys doing here?"

"ARE YOU DUMB? GO AS IN FIGHT NOT ACTUALLY GO SOMEWHERE."

"WHO YOU CALLING DUMB, YOU'RE DUMBER THAN ME! Oh, hey Murasakibara."

"Taiga, can you refrain from making a big scene in the middle of a city?"

"TATSUYA?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE IN TOKYO?!"

"Tokyo? I should be asking you why the both of you are in Akita."

"..."

"..."

"WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY ARE WE IN AKITA?!"

"I DON'T KNOW. I JUST GOT A CALL FROM AKASHI TO WAIT FOR HIM TO PICK ME UP AND THAT WE WOULD FIND YOU AND BRING JUSTICE. I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE BROUGHT ME."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK?!"

"HE WAS SCARY. HE HAD THAT 'I NEED TO KILL' AURA."

"Ne, ne Mine-chin. What are you guys doing her-"

"YOU STILL GOTTA ASK DUMBSHIT."

"BE GRATEFUL WE CAME TO SAVE YOU."

"Mine-chin. What are you do-"

"YOU DIDN'T DO SHIT. YOU WEREN'T EVEN THERE WHEN I WOKE UP."

"I STILL FOLLOWED HIM HERE."

"Mine-chi-"

"GOOD FOR YOU. MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE FOLLOWED."

"THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE. YOU'RE LUCKY I DIDN'T FOLLOW HIM BACK AND DITCHED YOU."

"HAH. I BET HE DITCHED YOU."

"Um. Taiga, Aomine, Murasakiabara has been trying to as-"

"DO YOU WANNA FUCKING GO?"

"LETS GO NOW. RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. I'M READY, ARE YOU FUCKING READY?!"

"I'M READY."

"Taiga. Liste-"

"TAKE THIS."

"OW YOU FUCKER. WHAT THE FUCK?"

"YOU SAID TO GO."

"I WASN'T SERIOUS. DUDE. I'M BLEEDING."

"THATS TOO BAD CUZ YOU'RE A PANSY."

"Will you two listen to m-"

"WHO YOU CALLING PANSY, PANSY?"

"Mine-chin, Kaga-chin, listen to Muro-"

"CAN'T EVEN THINK OF YOUR OWN INSULTS ANYMORE SO YOU HAVE TO USE MINE, BAKAGAMI?"

"YOU WI-"

Suddenly, large hands grabbed the top of the two fighting guys' heads and squeezed.

"You should listen to us."

"OI MURA! MY HEAD IS GOING TO POP."

"I won't let go until you listen to Muro-chin, Mine-chin."

"KAGAMI! BAKC ME UP HERE. KAGAMI?! MURASAKIBARA, I'M NOT KIDDING I THINK YOU KNOCKED HIM OUT!"

"Hah. But I haven't even crushed him yet."

"KAGAMI WAKE UP MAN! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE SUCH A PUSSY."

"Taiga?" Himuro looked quite worried. "Let him go, Atsushi, I think you scared him to death."

"Hmm? I killed Kaga-chin?"

"YOU KILLED KAGAMI YOU OVERGROWN NOODLE. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND MY WAY BACK TO TOKYO MYSELF?"

"Taiga? Can you hear me?"

"Did I really kill Kaga-chin..."

"KAGAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. DEAR GOD PLEASE HELP ME. I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG IN MY PAST 16 YEARS OF MY LIFE. HELP ME PLEASE."

"He's fine. I think he's just temporarily knocked out."

Himuro's words were unnoticed by the kneeling and praying Aomine and the close to tears Murasakibara.

"I don't want to go to jail for killing... Muro-chin, you won't let them take me, right?"

Aomine's prayer got quieter and quieter until it was more of a mumbling drone. "Please Lord have mercy on my soul. Don't let me stranded here with beauty mark and the BFG. Send me to Tokyo. Send me to Tokyo. Send me to Tokyo..."

"Guys! He's waking up!"

"Uh... Tatsuya?"

"KAGAMI!"

Aomine quickly shot up, headbutting Kagami in the process.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... Now I won't go to jail for killing because this time Mine-chin is the one who killed Kaga-chin, right?"


End file.
